NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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