yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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