i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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