I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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