Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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