cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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