shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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