dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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