I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
