sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
