Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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