Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
