i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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