I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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