I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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