What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
