This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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