if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
