i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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