i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
