I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
