I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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