You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
