Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
