Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
