Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
