Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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