The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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