My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
