True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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