His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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