in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize