It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
