I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
