she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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