May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
