I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
