I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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