He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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