Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
