I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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