I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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