I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
