This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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