just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
