We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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