ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
