Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
