Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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