I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
