.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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