i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
