I bet he comes in French.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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