somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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