get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
