You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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