It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
