Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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