I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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