And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
