I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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