Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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