If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize