I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
All the doctor said was why
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
