KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
