Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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