i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
