I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
