Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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